Took 176 last night .
Same bus , same road , same route , different feeling .
When i was sitting down there , waiting for the bus .
I remember the days when you ended work & then i'll leave home carrying a big bag with me , waiting for the bus to meet you @ the same time , on phone with you .
I dont know why , the nearer the bus is to my destination , the more unwell i was .
Got down the bus , first reaction .
Did i got down the wrong busstop ?
Everything changed . Staircase , colours of blocks , feelings .
People told me , " See , everything changed . His feelings too , he is no longer there & wont be anymore . "
Seriously , i really had the urge to walk up the stairs where we used to climb almost everyday , the one i used to complain , your house where we used to have alot of memories inside , the small garden when we both used to get drenched & splash water @ each other in the rain .
I know i want to , but i know i cant .
I cant pin for anymore hopes now .
I know you wont be back .
I cant possibly have someone who doesnt even fcuking care if i die in mind .
I know you dont care .
I cant keep every single thing of ours .
I know you've thrown it all away .
I cant keep each & every picture of ours .
I know you dont even have one of it .
I cant wait for your text on every 27th .
I know you forgotten the date .
I cant let my tears roll down everytime someone asked about our pasts.
I know you forgotten that we've got a history .
I cant wait for you to say hi & smile at me if we met on streets .
I know you'll turn your back on me .
I cant go to the cafe on every 27th .
I know you wont be there as promised .
I KNOW I KNOW I MOTHERFCUKING KNOW .
I just cant bring myself to stop doing all that .
WHY .
You dont fcuking deserve everything i've done for you .
Happy1year3months to myself , i pray i'll see you there tmr (: